TV Recap: Game of Thrones Season 3 - Episode 4 - ‘And Now His Watch Is Ended’

April 24, 2013 Television No Comments

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Ghandi might have said, “An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind,” but obviously, he’s never lived in Westeros. Revenge was on everyone’s mind this week and no one is more entitled than our poor one-handed (former?) King Slayer.

Obviously, it’s now a fashion statement to begin wearing chopped up parts of yourself on your person. Jamie’s in a fashion bitch fight with Davros, who wears his fingers, and one-ups him with a hand. If you’re going to do it, do it right I guess.

Brienne defends Jamie when he ends up in a fight with their captors after being tricked into drinking horse piss (Honestly, who wouldn’t feel a little ragey after?).  She ends up fighting better with no hands than he does with one. In Jamie’s defence, he’s having a massive identity crisis as evidenced by the whining about losing his sword hand. Brienne tells him, “You can’t die,” when he contemplates a hunger strike. Um, have we been watching the same show?

Meanwhile, his sister, Cersei, is getting told after whining to Daddy that she should be his favorite. Tywin tells her, “I don’t distrust you because you’re a woman. I distrust you because you’re not as smart as you think you are,” while barely bothering to glance at her. Ouch. Can you imagine what he would have said if she’d asked him to make her heir of Casterly Rock? Hopefully, Cersei is working herself up into dishing out some payback. I like her better when she’s good and pissed.

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And yay, Varys decided to share his fond memories of becoming a eunuch! Something about being sold to a sorcerer who chopped off his parts and burned it for a spell. Honestly, what kind of magic requires someone’s cut off balls?  The lesson here is you don’t mess with Varys because sooner or later he will get you. He will get you and lock you up in a box to amuse him. Meanwhile, Tyrion tells Varys he wants revenge on his sister for her attempt on his life but he just seems disgruntled rather than truly angry. It can’t be the first time Cersei’s tried to kill him. It’s a Lannister sibling tradition.

Varys and Lady Olenna are my new favorite power couple. They’re plotting against Little Finger, who they speculate wants to marry Sansa in order to get his hooks into the North. I’m not sure why Varys feels so obligated to the late Ned Stark that he’d transfer that loyalty to his daughter but I find it completely jarring, especially since I just found out about his friend in a box. Nevertheless, it’s nice that someone is going to help Sansa. She’s not the most clever or cunning of the Stark children. I’m kind of relieved the Tyrells are plotting to marry her off to Loras. But jeez, what does it say about you if your best life option is marrying a gay guy?

Speaking of the Stark children, Arya has fallen in with the Brothers Without Banners. They’ve captured the Hound and taken them to their secret clubhouse, er cave. Apparently, they don’t’ want to kill him unless he’s proven to eat babies or something, so they’ve sentenced him to trial by combat. His opponent is the Brotherhood’s leader, Beric, who apparently was sent on a mission to kill the Hound’s brother way back when Ned Stark still had his head. This seems like a stupid move because unless Beric has some secret ninja fighting skills there’s no way he’s winning. He looks like a leprechaun next to former knight. However, the Brotherhood follow the Lord of Light. So yeah, this might not end well for anyone.

And then there is the Khaleesi who decided to take her army from the foul mouthed slave trader, Krasnys. Of course she wasn’t going to let him keep her dragon! But damn, she can speak Valyrian and understood every disgusting thing he said about her. No wonder she had her dragon torch his ass. When she told her new army to kill anyone with a whip, I tried to figure out how the Unsullied knew who they were supposed to kill and who were friends. Also, how is it that out of 8000 men, there wasn’t one dude who was like, “nah, I’d rather stay here and chill.” But you have to admit, when they’re all marching out of there with the fire and the dragons it’s pretty badass. The Khaleesi is the Queen of BADASS. Anyway, onward to Westeros!

LOOSE ENDS:

  • * Best line: “What happens when the non-existent and the decrepit go bump in the night?” The look on Varys face is priceless. Can these two have their own spin-off show?
  • * Rumours abound about Podrick and his bedroom prowess. Either this kid is really that good, or it’s a trick. He didn’t really sleep with them.
  • * Sam played the hero this week. I didn’t know he had it in him. Granted, he just did a lot of running, but he did manage to grab Gilly and her new baby on the way. But since Commander Mormont’s been killed, who’s going to lead him? It will be interesting to see how Sam copes with being in charge and having no leader to turn to.
  • * I didn’t think I could feel any more pity for Theon, but there you go I’ve a hit a new low. I hope there will be more of a storyline for him this season. His pathetic-ness is beginning to grate and it’s always more fun when Theon is indignant and self-righteous about his misfortunes, imagined or otherwise.

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Natasha Wong

I'm the girl at the back of the bus who has a penchant for writing about red jello. All hail the Bitch Queen of the North. But I can be bribed with cookies. So step right up. I don't bite. Much.