TV Review: Game of Thrones Season 3 - Episode 1 - “Valar Digaeris”


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Now that the show is back (!!!!!!), I’m afraid I’ve forgotten who died last season. It seemed as if there were a lot of deaths at the end of Season 2, but my mind can’t remember, and so far most of my favorites are accounted for so I can’t be bothered to care.

Poor Sam, he can’t run away from the bad guys and the one job he’s been tasked to do he’s failed miserably at. He’s no good within or beyond the Wall. Will the Night’s Watchmen decide he’s too much trouble and too useless to be kept alive? I worry about Sam. He’s going to be left to be eaten by zombies and Jon’s not there to help.

Instead Jon’s decided to join Mance Rayder, the leader of the Wildlings, because he’s decided he’s mad about the Lord Commander’s attitude regarding Caster and the baby sacrifices. I guess he’s telling the truth about wanting to join. He did kill Qhorin to gain the Wildling’s trust after all or maybe he just wanted to have a chance to nail Ygritte? I feel like all that bantering is foreplay. So when she’s saying “I’ll hunt you down and kill you”, she really means “I’ll throw you down and have my way with you.”…Right?

Meanwhile, the Khaleesi is sailing her poor seasick Dothraki to where she can buy some slave soldiers. Apparently, it’s not nearly good enough for her, but she can’t afford to be picky. Maybe I’m not that well versed in warfare, but I assume slaves would make good soldiers because they’re really obedient. So obedient that they’re ok with cutting off their nipples (I cowered on my couch, so I’m not entirely sure if that soldier ended up with or without his nipples).

Screen Shot 2013-04-04 at 9.41.30 AMAt Queen’s Landing, I kept wondering why is Sansa? Clearly Joffrey’s new favorite is his new fiancé, Margery Tyrell who, even when she’s visiting orphans, can do no wrong. Sansa may think she’s been forgotten but my bet is that Joffrey just saving her for when he can’t consummate his union with Margery and instead of re-enacting some torture porn scenario with prostitutes, he’ll use her instead.

Finally, our favorite, Tyrion, seems to be suffering from depression – you know, cause he’s no longer in charge and his sister tried to kill him. But from the way he keeps checking himself out in the mirror he seems more upset about the huge scar across his face.

He’s become so preoccupied and lost his interactions with Cersei lack their usual zing. He’s not interested in slinging clever retorts. He just wants to mope, which is seriously depressing. He didn’t even needle her when he knew she was worried about what he would tell their father Tyrion. No joke or veiled threat about revealing how his older siblings like to get down and dirty with each other? Come on!

Instead, he wants to talk about being heir to the Lannister lands, specifically Casterly Rock. Predictably, Tywin tells him to there’s no way in hell, which is sort of a given. You’d think that Tyrion, who’s always bragged about his cleverness (and rightly so), would know this. It’s the imp’s only weakness. He keeps hoping that his family will show him one small kindness and he always, in some small way, leaves himself open to that. It’s why we love him. At the same time, I kinda want to slap him upside the head for being such a dumbass. Obviously, everyone in his family is an asshole. Let’s get with the program!

On a sidenote, what has papa Lannister got against whores? Would he prefer to keep it in the family the way his other children are doing?

So many people were missing in this episode, which means episode 2 will be more catch up from last season. I’m particularly interested in what happened to Theon and Arya. Hopefully, we get to find out next week!


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